Journal of the Hardy Boys Literary Society

While the Clock Ticked: A Dixonian Portrayal of the Great Depression

2005-03-07T16:09:00.001-08:00

by Brandon Booth

No author who wrote during the most distressful times of American history--the Great Depression--can escape the issue Americans faced at hand: loss of fortunes, bank failures, job losses, bread lines. John Steinbeck portrayed the stark realities of the Depression by writing about a family migrating west because they lost their land to a dust bowl. F. Scott Fitzgerald honed in on economic class difference in his novel The Great Gatsby. Those authors told it like it was. What about Franklin W. Dixon? The average reader at first glance might overlook such hardships. Therefore Dixon paints a rosy picture of the era: nice house, roadster, friends not hard up for
money but for ice cream, hungry for adventure. But Dixon does not forget that this is the Great Depression. That comes out in the plight of the principal outlandish characters in While the Clock Ticked, Dalrymple and Applegate.

Dalrymple is a shrewd banker. He had his head above water right from the beginning of the Great Depression. He saw alot of banks fail because customers and failed businesses could not pay their loans. Dalrymples bank was not going to fail. He
would not lend Amos Wandy money for some gimmick. Dalrymple could see Wandys freelance project was not going to pay dividends. Bombarded with requests for
loans, Dalrymple would lock himself in the secret room at a dilapidated house. I am a busy man, and when I leave the bank and return to my house at Lakeside, business matters often follow me. (Dixon, 1932, 30). He was that desperate to return to the secret room after several death threats. Although he stated that he had no intention of occupying the house, he could risk losing his Lakeside home in the event of a bank failure.

Hurd Applegate is a victim of the stock market crash. Though he is still living at the Tower Mansion, he has almost no money. Gone are the days when the Tower
Mansion was the masterpiece mansion of Bayport. He had to fire Henry Robinson, the caretaker from the first tome The Tower Treasure because he could no longer pay him. [The Hardys] were near Hurd Applegates house and they saw that he was out mowing
his lawn. (Dixon, 125). Applegate's only asset left are his stamps that someone someday would buy. But he got gypped by Jensen.

How could the reader not notice the distress of Applegate and Dalrymple during the Depression era? Applegate accused Dalrymple of stealing his stamps. Characters get angry and say things they dont mean to say. Dixon chose subtle ways to paint the stark realities of the Great Depression. Way to go Dixon.

Table of Contents' Contents: An Analysis of Hardy Boys #11, Red and Blue spine editions

2005-03-07T16:09:00.000-08:00

by Kenneth Maage

The fact that Franklin W. Dixon rewrote his works from the 1920s, updating them for 1962 can be categorically confirmed, while some in the Hardy Boys Literary Society and other Hardy Boys scholars believe the rewrite to be performed by a third party. Many attribute both works to the hand of Franklin W. Dixon. This second view is the one taken by this author for the purpose of comparison in this essay. To examine the main differences between Dixons 1932 version and his 1962 work, one needs look no further than the first few pages, to the table of contents.

The first thing one notices is the confident spacing Dixon uses between lines, as if he knows that his readers, in their leisure of the late 1920s and early 30s, have time to peruse the offerings. Readers in this time have defeated the aggressors of World war I and have yet to experience the rest of the Great Depression and World War II. Dixon is saying in the spacing of the table of contents--take time to peruse
the contents of this book. In his 1962 version Dixon has compressed the lined spacing. In the anxiety of the cold war, Dixon has chosen a line spacing for the table of contents that reflects both the decrease in leisure time as well as a desire to conserve natural resources.

The second thing one observes is that in both versions Dixon has chosen Roman numerals to represent the chapter numbers. While this might be viewed as a unifying aspect, one can see that Dixon is saying two different things, in a more detailed analysis. In 1932 he is saying Remember the fall of Rome because of their drunkenness and debauchery. In this hes encouraging the moral thrust of prohibition. In 1962, hes reminding readers of how Rome spread its culture and democratic principals to the ends of the then known world. In this hes encouraging readers to stand firm in the global struggle against communism.

The third thing we notice is the 1932 table of contents is split into two pages, while in 1962 its contained on one page. In this, Dixon is reminding the 1932 readers that the world reamins undiscovered. We must continue to explore by turning the page, as it were. In 1962 Franklin W. Dixon is reminding readers that the next great step in exploration is to leave the confines of the page entirely and travel to
the moon. As the Russians have shown, they had the lead in space exploration.

In conclusion, we see the masterful hand of a brilliant artist when we examine any part of the Hardy Boys books, even the table of contents.

"Grab your dancing shoes and prepare to party!" A pediatric view of suburban life

2005-03-07T16:05:00.000-08:00

By Christopher Waln

Phil opens this tome by bursting into the Hardy home and enticing his friends to go dancing, which he mislabels partying. Because who, really, would confuse dancing with having a good time? Anyway, Frank remarks on his appearance by comparing him to a fashion plate. My aunt Lisa used to play with fashion plates and she fondly tells tales of rubbing the chalk over the paper with the plates underneath to create all manner of outfit drawings. We’re not told which skirt and top combination Phil has on right now, but he’s humming the opening bars of Vette Smashs’s #22, “I Pop My Clutch When You Wear Red.” So we can gather from that . . . well, not much, really.

On the way to the concert, which, incidentally, is neither a party nor a dance, Phil explains that he recently started dating Chrome Jewel from the band. Then we see a small exposition about how there are actually two local bands on the verge of making it big and they hate each other. The other band is the delightfully named Green Machine. My esteemed father, who read this book to me page by page at bedtime each night and then ran out of time to type my dictated causerie for the last meeting of the HBLS, never got a Green Machine. He had a Big Wheel and while he would debate his green machine owning best friend, Mike, endlessly about the merits of the big wheel, he secretly admired and even coveted his friend’s far more cool ride.

The next scene is a little too stupid to even bother discussing save for the fact that it introduces two elements. One is that the Hardys can fight, and this is such a lame book that maybe that had to be presented so that, were this my first exposure to the Hardy Boys from my esteemed father, I would be told early on that the Hardys are cool and not actually the lame fairy dancer types with a penchant for standing around back stage watching nothing in particular that they appear to be the rest of the book. Option two is that we need to be introduced to Geo Kasper in a bold way because he actually plays an integral part in the plot, what little of it there is. While he’s guarding the back entrance he’s quietly singing Vette Smash’s country crossover hit #46, “The Dog Likes My Ride Better Than Yours.”

So the band plays two sets, Phil gets pushed by an unknown assailant, and two agents are vying to get the band to sign with them. This leads up to the big publicity stunt in which the band members will bungee jump off of a bridge to promote the band’s new soon to be hit #141, “Unfurl My Bungee Cord Of Love.” Ms. Miyazaki graciously refers to this tripe as “an interesting stunt.” The next day the Hardys are helping Phil load equipment from the storehouse and discover that an extra bungee has been intentionally cut. Phil begins furiously scribbling notes to the next song, Vette Smash’s #142, “Please Don’t Bobbitt My Bungee.” The Hardys and Phil manage to stop the jump and discover that the lead guitarist’s cord had been cut. We were told earlier that Kasper also played a pretty mean guitar, and here he’s looking at the action still quietly singing “The Dog Likes My Ride Better Than Yours.” So Ken hops in his red sports car and speeds away.

He manages to show up in time for that night’s concert, however, and it’s another two-fer. During the second show the lightning generator goes awry and poor Chrome Jewel, in her metallic outfit, takes a bolt of juice and goes down. That completely interrupts the smash hit from the first self titled album, #6, “My Distributor Cap Came Loose and Now My Juice Is Everywhere” and also puts an end to the show. Julie is, fortunately, just fine and the band soon takes to blaming Phil for all of it’s ills of late. He’s a little hurt by the accusation and during his didactic diatribe on the merits of being a friend of Frank and Joe and therefore could not possibly be a bad guy, Ray grabs the backup keyboard and starts playing the melody to Vette Smash’s #134, “Speeding Down the Highway to Loser-Ville, Population: You.”

Just in time for the next concert, they make up with Phil and that allows our imperturbable onlookers, Frank and Joe, to come and stand around while more exciting events unfold. They soon do. Green Machine takes the stage first even though Vette Smash was supposed to. As the lead guitarist is about to strike the downbeat to their first ever hit, “Big Wheels Suck, And So Do You,” he gets shocked by the guitar. As I lay in my crib I thought I heard the voice of my esteemed father falter ever so slightly and as I looked over I saw a lone tear run down his cheek. “For the Big Wheel?” I asked. He simply nodded and went on.

So Green Machine leaves in a huff and Vette Smash provides a new guitar and heads on. They, of course, lead the show with maybe their biggest hit of all time, #101, “Suck, Squeeze, Pop, Poof. Another Otto Cycle Friday Night.”

The next day, since it was Saturday, the boys slept in and then went to help the band set up for yet another concert. Ken’s car nearly ran over the boys so they hopped on the motorcycles to give chase. The car got in front of a train and the boys were behind it. When the train passed they spotted the car stuck in a ditch. Ken was in the trunk and the car was wiped clean of fingerprints. The Hardys failed, however, to check the cd still playing Vette Smash’s #18, “My Engine’s Still Hot.” Ken was fine in time for the Power Bar concert and Kasper was discovered as the bad guy. Even though the concert was on Saturday night, the third and final encore ended with the remix 17-minute dance version of “Suck, Squeeze, Pop, Poof.”

Thirteen Cents

2005-02-02T08:54:00.000-08:00

by Karl Gunther

At the beginning of "While the Clock Ticked," the third volume of the Dixonian canon, Aunt Gertrude scolds the boys for allowing a stranger to enter the Hardy home while Fenton and Laura were away on vacation. “‘I don’t care what his name was,’ said their aunt. ‘You should be careful about letting strangers into the house.’” In response, Frank turned out his pockets and said “‘If he’d been a hold-up man he would have got thirteen cents from me.’” It is the purpose of this brief essay to examine why Frank had thirteen cents in his pocket.

It is impossible to determine what sort of purchase resulted in this amount of change. Had Frank had only one penny in his pocket, for example, we could infer that Frank had purchased a $0.99 item, receiving one penny in exchange. In 1932, however, one dollar would be the equivalent of 42 dollars today (adjusted according to the "unskilled wage" index), and it is unlikely that a teenager would be purchasing such an expensive item – especially in the early years of the Great Depression. It is also unlikely that Frank’s $0.13 was the result of a purchase made that day, as this episode seems to occur very early in the morning. Frank and Joe were preparing for an “all-day hike and picnic with some of their chums,” and had just come downstairs to set out. As Aunt Gertrude did not scold them for failing to eat breakfast, and as the hike is clearly described as “all-day,” we can safely place this episode somewhere between 7:30-8:30am, making it unlikely that Frank had already transacted business that day.

It is not necessary to suppose, however, that Frank’s $0.13 was left-over from a prior transaction. While $0.13 might not suffice for even the most meager purchase in 2005, if we remember the value of $0.13 in 1932, it is possible that Frank put the $0.13 in his pocket in anticipation of an expenditure that day. Moreover, given that Aunt Gertrude later remarks that she had just cleaned the boys’ clothes, it is unlikely that Frank was re-wearing pre-worn pants in which change remained from a prior purchase. While not conclusive, then, the cumulative force of the evidence before us suggests that Frank intentionally pocketed these $0.13, intending to spend them at some point during the day.

Why only $0.13? It is unlikely that Frank had only $0.13 at his disposal. Just recently, Frank and Joe had solved the mystery of The Tower Treasure, and were rewarded by Hurd Applegate with $500 each. When asked what they were going to do with the money, Frank and Joe stated that they were both going to put most of it in the bank. By definition, “most” would suggest a sum slightly larger than 50%, but certainly less than 100%. We can infer, therefore, that Frank probably put between $275 and $450 in the bank. While I would argue that Frank likely placed $425 in the bank, it is ultimately a moot point – there is no reason to believe that Frank could not have subsequently withdrawn the money, as there is no indication in The Tower Treasure that Frank and Joe were saving up for anything, and it is entirely reasonable to suppose that Frank and Joe placed their money in the bank to protect it from the very sorts of Bayport thieves the had just encountered. At any rate, unless Frank had made major expenditures in the very brief period between The Tower Treasure and While the Clock Ticked, it is extremely likely that he had more than $0.13 at his disposal.

It is extremely probable, therefore, that Frank intended to spend exactly $0.13 that day. We again encounter the problem we faced at the outset: it is impossible to determine the combination of goods or services which may have added up to $0.13. We are not entirely in the dark, however. Since the boys would presumably not have the opportunity to spend money during their hike in the woods, we can safely assume that Frank intended to spend this money before or after meeting up with Chet and Biff. Considering that the boys had been well-equipped with food and drink for their picnic, and taking their regular satisfaction with the quality of Aunt Gertrude’s cooking into account, we can rule out the purchase of food. Frank and Joe rarely read, making the purchase of reading material unlikely, nor do we regularly hear of them purchasing records or other leisure materials.

There is one thing, however, that Frank and Joe both consistently spend money on: their roadster. Indeed, the disrepair of their automobile provides a plot point later in the mystery, when a tire goes flat and the boys have no spare remaining – having used it the previous week and failed to replace it. This, I suggest, is the intended purpose of the $0.13. While $0.13 would not purchase a replacement tire, even given the value of the dollar in 1932, it would be sufficient to purchase the materials necessary to repair a flat tire (such as a patch kit). Caught up in the excitement of the mystery about to unfold before them, Frank forgot to make his purchase, making the $0.13 which had jangled in his pocket all day useless…although not meaningless.

The Secret Agent on Flight 101: A Dixonian Treatise on Fantastic Normalcy

2004-12-06T17:31:00.000-08:00

by Brian Porick

"How can the hand be quicker than the eye? That's hard to believe!" (Dixon 1) remarks Chet Morton to open The Secret Agent on Flight 101, Franklin W. Dixon's 46th entry into the Hardy Boys mystery series. In typical Dixonian fashion, this statement contains more truth than a quick reading might lead one to believe. The Secret Agent on Flight 101 has long been criticized as one of the worst books in the Hardy Boys canon. It is easy to see how that might be the case. Critics point to lack of continuity and sheer absurdity of the events described within as being evidence as to the book's failure to be grounded in plausibility. However, Dixon's opening statement makes the more observant reader realize that much like the hand can indeed be quicker than the eye (as hard as it is to believe), the fantastic can be more true to reality than the mundane. The point Dixon is attempting to make is that normalcy is not equivalent to ordinariness; rather, people's lives can often be comprised of a series of extra-ordinary moments, and it is quite a normal thing. This is particularly the case for the likes of Frank and Joe Hardy, as they are asked to trace an international ring of spies headed up by a particulary slippery magician named the Incredible Hexton.

One cue that Dixon throws the reader that he is up to more than what seems is through his use of absurd acronyms. After 45 volumes of contemplative, complex thought, it is hard for any Hardy Boys fan to really think that Dixon would present his audience with such an obvious example of silliness. One has to admit that the acronyms for the Undercover Global League of Informants (or UGLI) and Secret Knowledge of
Organized Lawbreakers (or SKOOL) (Dixon 13-14) are nothing less than insulting. Why would a reader ever believe that these could pass as legitimate acronyms of espionage organizations? But that is precisely Dixon's point. He wants his reader to realize that the mere fact that these are such laughable acronyms is to cause the reader to consider the absurdity of some things that he might consider ordinary.

Another cue toward the end of Dixon's fantastic normalcy is the sheer number of airplane mishaps the Hardys get into over the course of the novel. They are first caught in a plane that is "diving vertically toward the ground" (Dixon 51). Later, Frank manages to get snagged to the tail of a helioplane as it's taking off (Dixon 83), but of course, this doesn't stop him later from climbing out on the wing of a plane thousands of feet in the air in order to remove a bomb from the nacelle of the engine (Dixon 109). One would think by this point, the Hardys would learn to avoid planes altogether, but right near the end of the mystery, they manage to get into a plane which runs out of gas and crashes into the ocean (Dixon 168). Why on earth would Dixon allow this many aerial catastrophes to occur, unless there were a larger purpose behind it all? Thankfully, for the careful Hardy Boys reader this purpose becomes increasingly clear. Isn't it those strange series of occurrences that make one's life fantastic?

Dixon best sums his own point with the words of Jack Wayne, the Hardy's pilot friend. Jack describes flying to the Hardys, but the observant reader quickly realizes that this is a metaphor for the author's larger purpose. Wayne says, "I was once told that flying involves long hours of boredom, interrupted by moments of extreme fright" (Dixon 85). It is the normalcy of the fantastic interrupting the mundane that gives life its interest and keeps us as humans on our toes. There is a certain absurdity to this jaunting rhythmof life, but Dixon points out that perhaps it is best to embrace it instead of trying to supress it. This lesson was clearly important enough to Dixon that he would risk the mass criticism that has come with the release of Secret Agent on Flight 101. If the Hardy Boys fan can look past the critics and find Dixon's underlying threads of truth, he will come away from this book well rewarded.

The Franklin W. Dixon Truths, #185: There's A Chet Shaped Hole In All Of Us

2004-12-06T17:28:00.000-08:00

by Matt Waln

In his 185th work, Wreck and Roll, the prodigious author and mentor Mr. Dixon lays out a tale of high energy, corruption, and competition while relating a truth that so skillfully parallels American history of the last 40 years that, certainly, the reader would do well to memorize and practice daily.

Let us make a very important point that will be expounded upon later in our work. The canonical series has ended and we are well into the apocryphal writings Mr. Dixon turned out later in life. I will not delve into the life events that changed Mr. Dixon so thoroughly that his writings no longer became acceptable to the governing Council of Hardy Matters, but it must be stressed ever so strongly that the apocrypha is considered supplemental writing and not heretical to the original blue spines. It is Mr. Dixon, one and the same, more seasoned, a bit grayer, and needing to explain his secrets of aging well, but his Truths, while not carrying the full weight of Council accepted inspiration, still do not disappoint or lose their luster, and should remain in our minds a truth nonetheless.

We begin the tale with the boys lamenting the fact the Chet is not with them. Notice that throughout the entire the week they do not mention missing Tony or Biff, even when outnumbered in a parking garage brawl, but they miss Chet's aptitude and guidance right away. Indeed, Mr. Dixon lets the reader understand that it is fully Chet's moral intuition that has let him master the public school curriculum of Bayport. With his superior abilities in million man math and revisionist history, the NEA member teachers saw nothing more for him to learn in the classroom so they offered him school credit to work on his grandparent's farm. It is, unfortunately, not explained why Chet and Iola's parents were forced to give the farm to the senior generation and move to the city, but we can only assume it must be the moral decay of society manifesting itself as peer pressure for the children to live in the “cool” city and not the lame old farm. This same moral decay has inculcated the Hardys as we are introduced to their “girlfriends” and not their favorite dates. Soon Frank will put his arm around Callie's waist while on their way to some midnight drinking on a school night! Now, we fully understand that this particular school system, replete with NEA member teachers, was wholly incapable of teaching them anything, but the boys used to at least save the world only when school was cancelled. It must also be understood that at this point in the book there has been no parental involvement. Were Chet around, you can bet they'd be home with Aunt Gertrude baking for them and getting grounded in the moral fiber of life that comes with a close relationship with moral parents. Alas, he is not around and his chums quickly degenerate into roadies.

The story of the band and their slow rise to pre-eminence has many pitfalls, few pratfalls, and a bouncer without much to do named Sullivan who used to be the editor of The New Republic and now is a blogger. No doubt his liberal spin on all things has tainted the band and their number one fan, the Hardy's friend Phil. Not coincidentally, Sullivan has written didactic diatribes praising the Supreme Court's 1963 decision to remove prayer from the school system. Notice, dear reader, the timing. As the blue spine cannon is completed we shortly are treated to the courts overstepping their constitutional boundaries and imposing a ban on prayer in our schools. Soon the Hardy Boys series begins it's slow decline into immorality as the nation does the same. This immorality takes it's toll on the SAT average of the nation as well, dropping every year since, much like the character of Frank and Joe. Indeed, this slouch towards Gomorrah apparently cost them their relationship with the most powerful law enforcement officer in Bayport, Chief Collig, as they have to have “one of our police contacts” run the license plate number of a man suspiciously tailing the band members to yet another nightclub. Oh Chet - wherefore art thou?

They are trying to figure out if this man tailing the band is also the suspect for the bands many dangerous mishaps when Joe tells Frank he'll call him on Phil's cell phone. Why do they have to share a cell phone when they own a boat, motorcycles, and a plane? When they leave the nightclub and head back the band's apartment complex, driving fast becomes the topic of conversation and Phil remarks, “Let's hope that Vette Smash doesn't become a prophecy as well as a band name.” Look, Phil, there's no prophecy in the apocrypha, moron, and were there to be any prophetic band names in this book, Julie would be playing bass for “Chet's not here to stop us from turning into degenerates.”

After more late night carousing and before yet another mishap-laden concert, the girls leave for the farm. Now the Hardys realize that all this week they never even called their friend so they leave the girls with a simple “say hi for me.” Good interpersonal skills there, guys. They arrive at the concert and meet the leader of a “rival” band who calls them “Vette Smash hangers-on.” We must assume that this guy is roughly the same age as the Hardys and also a band member, but somewhere he managed to pick up proper grammar. After this concert the manager for this rival band offers Vette Smash the opportunity to sign with him, saying that he'd like to manage two talented bands. “But if we signed with you, you'd still only have one.” is the reply. The insertion of “still” implies that he is already in the position of managing a great band and the new one is the one with the unknown adjective. Had she meant to say that Vette Smash was the only great band of the two, she'd drop the word still. Nice comeback there, Jackie.

So a brawl ensues shortly after that exchange and all of the pugilists are tossed in the slammer. On page 120, four fifths of the way through the book, they finally have a conversation with dad. When they bothered to go home and eat dinner with the family, before the prayer ban and before Chet's absence, they never went to jail.

The next day Phil offers them a picnic to chaperone him and his girlfriend. It is interesting to us that the Hardys seem to have gotten stupider in the short time since Chet left. They used to own motorcycles, and we don't know what happened to them, but they are still in the same grade so presumably the aforementioned ownership was no more than a few months ago and it seems that they forgot how to ride them because Phil has to check “to make sure the brothers knew how to handle the equipment.”

One more concert mishap was all it took for the Hardys to catch their man - and still no Chet.

The Franklin W. Dixon Truths #51: Golf is more important than work

2004-12-06T17:25:00.000-08:00

by Matt Waln

In his eminent tome, The Masked Monkey, Mr. Dixon espouses us with his fifty-first truth. We see this truth played out in a series of events involving Frank and Joe Hardy. As with his previous fifty truths, Dixon uses the boys and their fictional capers to illustrate a real life truth that the reader would do well to memorize and practice daily.

I refer the reader to page 97. ''As I understand it, Chet, you, Phil, and Tony were supposed to keep Whisperwood under surveillance,' Mr. Hardy said mildly. 'Correct, sir,' Chet said. 'But we were out golf ball scavenging when Mrs. Retson got away.'" Chet, as is usually the case in Mr. Dixon's handiwork, is the hero. His shrewed infiltration of the golf courses not only provided the answers to the case very early on, it also got the entire cast of the novel closer to the chiropractic care they so obviously needed.

Let us begin where Franklin W. Dixon, the chiropractic advocate, wants us to. At the beginning. We are introduced to J.G. Retson, sitting in his high backed chair while he "threw his hands in the air with a pained expression." It is obvious at even the most cursory glance that Mr. Retson is suffering from an upper thoracic subluxation. What the reader is not yet made aware of is that Mr. Retson has close ties with the golf course, and therefore a good local chiropractor. Mr. Dixon makes an assumption that the reader knows that nearly every golf professional has a close relationship with a chiropractor and I agree that this is safe to make. The senior Retson is back to his old self by the next time we meet up with him.

Then, on page 6, Mr. Dixon describes what might seems to be an insignificant event. But we know from his collection of classics that this will turn into a big event later. And does it ever! Joe tears his jacket jumping over a fence and a mere 5 pages later the butler offers to repair the tear. We could think the note he found in his newly repaired jacket is the reason Dixon bothered to describe this event to the reader, but we would be wrong. This enters another principle that Mr. Dixon assumes the reader is familiar with, that being hydrostatic shock. As Joe was jumping down from the fence he had scaled, his jacket caught. A force strong enough to rip the fabric would have torqued his spine ever so slightly. Because the body is mostly water, when he landed the force experienced would be carried to all parts of the body through hydrostatic shock. The minor variances in his spine would cause the force not to disperse evenly, but to be absorbed by the zygopophyseal joints. This effect would be the greatest in the neck, as the vertebrae are smallest there. We now have to wait almost 60 pages to see the culmination of this problem. This, of course, is the master author at work. He is simply showing the reader that no amount of time will consistently correct the vertebral subluxation, and competent chiropractic care is needed.

We don't have to wait 60 pages to see the next victim of subluxation, though. As Frank and Joe return home they find Aunt Gertrude in miserable shape. On page 13 we are told she "clucked like wet hen." Most likely she had a mild brainstem compression from an occipital subluxation. She showed remarkable compassion and concern for her nephews, but should have shown them a good chiropractor! With that she, sadly, “flounced out of the room." What this means, for the reader who doesn't understand the term flounce, is that she was experiencing an upper motor neuron lesion and was hyperreflexic. Her muscles were contracting at a rate faster than her brain intended. Unfortunately, Mr. Dixon never lets the reader in on whether or not proper treatment was rendered.

Next we are let in on the hero's little plan to foil the bad guys, cleverly disguised as a money making scheme. We know that Chet's feigned passion for income on page 15 is false. That is the only way to explain the idiocy behind selling golf balls for a mere quarter a piece. Chet explains to Frank and Joe, who have no clue what golf balls or golf courses are worth, that to retrieve golf balls from the water hazards some would dive into the water, but "professionals, however, don't go into the water. They use suction pumps and underwater vacuum cleaners. About sixty million balls are recovered each year, and are sold for about fifteen million dollars." Frank whistled, "That's a lot of money." "Enough to buy several golf courses," Joe remarked. Now here we are treated to the brilliance of Chet. His two subluxated chums are likely to screw things up if he lets them in on the solution to the case. He probably deduced that they were easily bamboozled by their assumption that 15 million could buy more than a couple of holes on one golf course. Now let me make clear that I hold Frank and Joe in the highest of respect, as I'm sure Chet did. It's just that Joe was the victim of a subluxation. This aberrant motion between his vertebrae caused a malfunctioning nervous system and poor overall bodily performance. Chet knew he would have to find the location of the climax on his own, and he did by page 31. Alas, it takes the two subluxated stars another 131
pages to catch up.

The plot builds here and Mr. Dixon takes a disturbing aside. On page 24 Frank asks the senior Retson why he is upset with his butler. "Well, Graham [who is the junior Retson] spent a lot of time with Harris [the butler]," Retson replied. "More than with you?" Joe asked. "Much more. I'd rather have seen the boy playing football. But no. He prefered writing verse. Harris said he liked the poetry, which could have been a come-on." Now I don't understand the writer's need to make two characters gay, except perhaps to make
the point, and it was not at all clearly made, that even the immoral deserve good chiropractic care. But I digress.

As we move forward to page 70 we see Joe almost dive into a pool full of piranhas. As Frank yells for him not dive, Joe almost loses his balance. This sad incident is explained by the vestibulo-cochlear system receiving sensory input from the mechanoreceptors in the cervical spine. Remember his cervical subluxation from the fence jumping? This sensory input was corrupted at the level of the subluxation in his neck. It's a wonder he didn't fall to his doom! A mere two pages later we are treated to another incident of Joe falling down and only barely eluding his would be captors. It is sad when you realize that a quick, safe chiropractic manipulation could have solved this problem and allowed his nervous system to again be whole. But this is a lesson for the reader, not our subluxated hero. And soon he will fall again, only this time he will not evade capture!

We now see that Chet is not perfect. On page 115 Frank and Joe realize that Chet was right all along and they go with him to the golf course. There they find a gun and a mysterious caller wants them to bring it back to the course the following night. This caused Chet great apprehension, according to page 126. We soon see how great, as the subluxation resultant from the stress shows up only two pages later. "He stretched uncomfortably." the book says, and we know why, what with the sympathetic dominance caused by stress causing overactive muscles, reduced range of motion, and lack of oxygen to the muscles and joints.

It is only a sad case that Joe didn't learn from Chet and get adjusted. Soon Frank and Joe go golfing. I cannot thank Mr. Dixon enough for his accurate depiction of the ravages of a subluxation, as it takes Frank only one hole to take a commanding lead over his brother with the diminished capacity. Then these two "non-Chets" were standing where they shouldn't have been and Joe gets beaned with an errant drive. The concussive forces taking place should have given them reason to visit a chiropractor right away, but they waited. They waited too long as Joe falls yet again and is captured. Fortunately for the boys, the criminals are as dumb as in the first fifty Dixonian Lessons, and with the help of Chet, they prevail.

The Franklin W. Dixon Truths #48: Power Corrupts

2004-12-06T17:09:00.000-08:00

by Matt Waln

In the 48th title of the series, The Arctic Patrol Mystery, Mr. Dixon weaves of tale of northland adventure into a finely quilted tapestry that brightly portrays a picture of truth that the reader would do well to memorize and practice daily.

The story begins in the home of Frank and Joe Hardy. Their father asks them to consider a trip to Iceland to help him out on a case. This is far too simplistic of a case to be done by a world famous detective, but we are asked to believe that Fenton has been simultaneously hired by NASA and some crummy insurance company that can't find a beneficiary. The boys apparently notice that their dad knows that this is a related case to his most dangerous mission and in his scared state of mind is intentionally putting them in harms way, so they ask for Chet's help. Aunt ertrude also sees through Fenton's pack of lies and expresses concern for her nephews. Joe's retort is a little abrupt and she remarks, "Don't get smart." Well, we all know there's not much chance of that, considering the school system they attend. But they enlist Chet's help, check with the school to mke sure that after all the days off because the boiler broke, the furnace quit,
the basement flooded, the doors froze shut, and the ceiling leaked that they would still actually have spring break. The reply from the teacher was something about them not learning anything more important than revisionist history and million man math so what the heck, why not have spring break?

And off they go.

They arrive in Iceland and meet up with a Gummi worm. He tells them about Icelandic law that states that your last name changes with every generation. This started with a custom ages ago based on the famous Viking explorers Eric the Red and hs son, Leaf Erikson. For quite a while it was just a tradition to be named that way in Iceland, but then they started to get Americanized so the Parliament passed a law to force its people to hold to tradition. Here we see how the powerful few can affect an entire culture. Someone decided that, left to their own devices, the people might actually begin taking names in keeping with the rest of the modern world. "We can't have the masses doing something I don't like," he said and got a law passed. Now I'm not the one to judge them for keeping traditions, but it's the idea of someone in power using his or her own power to force others to bend to their will that goes to the very heart of corruption. Why, the next thing you know one of these crazy Nordic chicks will bat her pretty eyes at her fiance and convince him to drop all pretense of manhood and take her last name! Ofcourse, that idea is probably just too ridiculous now that I think about it.

The Gummi bear takes them on a short tour of the island, as far as they can without the free market derived infrastructure of highways at any rate. The boys notice the lack of trees on the island. Gummi fruit tells them that "There were trees in Iceland centuries ago, but the early settlers cut them down." Oh, come on. Are we really supposed to believe that in all the time that has passed since the early settlers nobody has thought of actually digging a hole and planting a few trees? Are we really supposed to believe that Iceland was once a bastion of deciduousness while the rest of the northern slope was treeless where no man has ever trod? Did it ever occur to them that maybe, just maybe, trees had a hard time flourishing in the wind swept salty air? Do they really accept that someone, centuries ago, crawled north of the Arctic Circle in Siberia or Alaska and cunningly removed all of those trees? This is simply revisionist history taught in schools where a few board members wield corrupting power. They decided to teach the children what they thought sounded like a lesson in civics and abandoned true history to get more quickly at their point. Its' the kind of thing you come to expect in hotbeds of socialist activity like Iceland and Bayport.

Gummi Mike and Ike then assist them and they unfold the complex kidnapping of an astronaut. The plan takes a very harrowing turn when the boys try to get the jump on the near-to-do wells on the boat. On page 152 we are told "Frank was to hide in the lifeboat, which swung gently on its davits. Joe would secrete himself in a locker on the bridge, while Gummi would hide in the captain's quarters." This is a small point made to show just how threatening Musselman was. Nowhere in the rest of the Hardy canon are we told
about Joe wetting himself. Fortunately he does not let the embarrassment cloud his ability to kick some Ionescu butt.

When they rescue Biff from a bomb planted cave they decide he needs a good massage. Now, this has nothing to do with power or corruption but I just don't get it. I can easily believe that the Hardys are airline pilots, accomplished sailors, boxing champs, track stars, football stars, and equestrian stars, but massage therapists? Come on.

Chet proves himself the hero once again while on a plane with the astronaut. The military man couldn't summon the testicular fortitude to jump the crooks, but Chet did. The case was solved and it was revealed that a foreign power had set up the diabolic plan to kidnap an American astronaut, then take him to their country, claiming that he had defected. How unfortunate for the agents of this country that a good, republican was in the White House in 1969. Had it been Johnson or Clinton they could have just bought
the secrets they so longed for. But, you see, power corrupts. In our White House, we had a man so enamoured with power that he sold nuclear secrets to the Chinese. In 1969 we had a man above reproach, forcing this foreign power to attempt kidnapping to get the secrets they wanted. Then this president got a taste of power and bugged a nearby hotel in an attempt to keep it. I will not speculate here on the connection between Nixon's power corruption and the true identity of Franklin W. Dixon, as much more complete works on that subject can be found written by Brother Bartlebaugh.

The Hardys are then told that the entire country of Iceland is law abiding. Right, and Bayport is really the conservative town of Wheaton.

The Franklin W. Dixon Truths #46: Modern culture has become completely devoid of imagination

2004-12-06T16:58:00.000-08:00

by Matt Waln

In the 46th publication of the Hardy canon, The Secret Agent on Flight 101, Sir Dixon cleverly and almost imperceptibly weaves a truth into the story that the reader would do well to memorize and practice daily.

It is worth noting from the beginning that the uninitiated reader may well miss the very important point that is intended to be made. A reader who has not sufficiently delved into the full canon, who has not made the memorization and daily practice of the truths presented, a paramount goal of his life may well read this tome and judge it to be the worst of the series. It is not! Consider first the timing of the novel. In 1967 television was surging forth in popularity and like the bubonic plague of centuries past it was creeping around the neighborhoods and infiltrating every open space. This had a devastating effect on the imagination of the populace. Mr. Dixon has taken a series of unimaginative events and woven them into an unimaginative story. Why? Did he just become lazy or run out of ideas? Of course not! We are not supposed to believe that the master litterateur couldn't come up with anything better than UGLI and SKOOL but rather to realize that this is an entire novel devoted to the principal that imagination is ruined in a television culture.

The reader is well reminded of the Simpsons episode that deals with this fact. Principal Skinner tells the class that they are in for a real treat as the field trip of the day will not be to the chocolate factory, or to the slide factory, or to the fireworks factory, but rather to the box factory. Bart says that he will simply let his imagination run wild and take him to fun places. As he closes his eyes he imagines Principal Skinner saying that no, we are not going to the box factory, we are going to the ...dramatic pause... box factory. Bart opens his eyes and curses the TV that ruined his imagination.

Another important factor of society at the time of this writing was the preeminent broadcast series about life during the cold war. This show, Get Smart, was obviously the basis for Mr. Dixon's invective against television. With its good guy agency named Control and the bad guy agency named Kaos Mr. Dixon felt that the show clearly defined a culture in dire need of the imaginative process. Shoe phones, fingertip guns, and walkie talkie deli sandwiches obviated the need for the viewer to use his or her own imagination. The entire series was one giant fantasy that inculcated the public with a laissez faire attitude about invention.

Now consider the book we have just read. We are treated to a kidnapping, a bomb on a plane, sail boat capsizing, hurricanes, power boats ramming each other, plane crashes, cut control cables on another plane, secret entrances in a castle, and balloon escapades. These are not the plot twists that throw the heroes for a loop, for there is no real plot. Mr. Dixon has masterfully put to paper a series of unlikely events that are so completely devoid of any real substance that the reader must be forced to ask himself Why. Just in case you, the good reader, could have made it to the end of the book without realizing that this is a scathing endorsement for throwing out the TV, Mr. Dixon actually has Joe use the title of the book in a sentence. He says, on page 118, "I'll feel like a secret agent on flight 101!" This is the kind of thing bad rock bands do when they put their own name in the song somewhere. It is an obvious self-parody meant to shake the reader into consciousness.

Of course, Mr. Dixon can't just direct us to the truth. If he did he would not be a novelist but an editorialist. So in the end of the book the Hardys get thrown in a locked case, are rescued by Chet, our perennial hero, and catch the jewel thieves. All is well as the story closes with the evil Vordo gazing at the jewels he came close to absconding with and exclaiming, "missed them by that much."

Hardy Boys Characters as Archetypes of Kierkegaardian Stages

2004-12-06T16:55:00.000-08:00

by Brian Porick

It is my purpose in this essay to dig more deeply into what sometimes appear nothing more than trite mystery novels: The Hardy Boys Series. Written by Franklin W. Dixon (which, as many people are aware, is no more than a nom de plume for the unknown author of these books), each novel follows a series of adventures of teenage brothers Frank and Joe Hardy, as they work to solve mysteries, frequently occurring in and near the fictional East Coast town of Bayport. After a token brief explanation as to why the brothers are not in school, Dixon takes the readers on a series of plot twists (and to the cynic, blatant coincidence upon blatant coincidence), always managing to drop clues early and tie them all up in the last chapter or two of the book. The skeptic would contend that these plot lines are a bit too neat and tidy to be realistic, and perhaps he is right. However, should one approach the books as more of a character study, he then is able to discover the depth of Dixon's writing. I would propose that this is precisely Dixon's technique as he masterfully crafts characters which fit into the stages of human existence as outlined by Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard.

Known for his existentialist view points, perhaps Kierkegaard's primary contribution to the field of philosophy is his theory of the three stages of human existence: the aesthetic stage, the ethical stage, and the religious stage. In short, the aesthetic stage is one in which the individual begins in despair and seeks fulfillment through fleeting earthly pleasures, the ethical stage is marked by commitment to certain social norms, and the religious stage is the point at which one, by way of a leap of faith, discovers an absolute duty to God. For the purposes of the particular instance in which this essay is first being presented, I will examine the characters as they are presented in Hardy Boys #39: The Mystery of the Chinese Junk.

Let's take a closer look at the aesthetic stage. In Kierkegaard's work Either/Or volume I, he examines his life as it was in this stage:

This is the vulgar inartistic method, and needs to be supported by illusion. One tires of living in the country, and moves into the city; one tires of one's native land, and travels abroad. . . . One tires of porcelain dishes and eats on silver; one tires on silver and turns to gold. . . . This method defeats itself; it is plain endlessness. (E/O I, pp. 287-88)

As is evident, Kierkegaard realizes that a person, out of sheer boredom and laziness, looks to materialistic things for a way out. The character most like this in Dixon's works, and The Mystery of the Chinese Junk in particular, would be Chet Morton. We find out early on that "the last thing Chet ever wanted to do was work!" (Dixon, pp. 3) In fact, in chapter three, Dixon presents us with perhaps the clearest picture of Chet in the aesthetic stage. Having just been chased along with the Hardy boys by some suspicious characters, Dixon presents Chet's attitudes to us:

"Man, I'm bushed!" Chet panted as they paused for breath in front of a Chinese grocery. Then his expression changed. "Hey, look at all this chow!" (Dixon, pp. 25)

Chet is clearly looking out for his own immediate interests: first his own tiredness (after getting some much needed exercise for his chunky frame) and secondly his hunger. In fact, Chet is so concerned with his own interests that he is willing to drop the first concern almost instantaneously for a second new concern. This is not to say that Chet never possesses any concern for his friends and loved ones. Clearly, as one works through the book, there are instances in which Chet is looking out for more than himself, and this is only appropriate, as all humans are complex and not easily categorized. However, when it comes down to it, Chet most often falls into the Kierkegaardian aesthetic stage.

The ethical stage is the point at which a person commits to that which society values. For Kierkegaard, this point was when he decided to get married, and as a result make a commitment that kept him from only looking out for his own pleasures. A person in the ethical stage has given up on individuality but gains a certain higher plane of freedom as opposed to the perceived freedom of the aesthetic stage, which from the point of view of the ethical, is nothing more than a person being tossed to and fro by their own whims. The ethical stage possesses a certain anchoring to societal values that provides a truer freedom. The Hardy boys themselves provide us with archetypes of this stage. Frank in particular seems to care that the boys go through all the proper channels that society has set up for them. Enthusiastic to begin their boating business, Jim Hoy, Chinese-American friend of the Hardys, wonders how soon they can get to work. Frank cautions, "As soon as we find out what the law requires to carry passengers." (Dixon, pp. 37) We would guess that Chet Morton, put in the same scenario, would most likely jump with reckless abandon at the opportunity to set sail, but Frank, being grounded in the ethical stage, knows that there are certain societal criteria which must be met before their business can be called legal. Later on in The Mystery of the Chinese Junk, the Hardy boys and their friends have been caught in an unexpected rainstorm, and Frank suggests, "How about you fellows coming up to the house and drying off? . . . You can call your folks from there." (Dixon, pp. 105) Frank is not only concerned with the well-being of his friends but also has their families in mind as he proposes their next course of action. Again, this is nothing that would be suggested by someone in the aesthetic stage.

Kierkegaard's religious stage is most clearly pictured through the biblical tale of Abraham and Isaac in which Abraham is asked to take a "leap of faith" (and for those of you who are not aware, this common phrase in fact did originate with Kierkegaard) in which he must be willing to sacrifice his son (Genesis 22:1-19). This leap of faith is taken in the moment where the call of God becomes more important than even the societal values which are revered in the ethical stage. It is obvious that society would not value the slaughter of one's own son, and in fact, God's own commandment enforces that murder is against His law. It is at this point at which there is a teleological suspension of the ethical, or in other words, the supreme sacrifice of all that one has becomes, for a moment, more important to the individual than the laws which have been laid out by society and followed by the individual during the ethical stage. Kierkegaard himself admits that it is the rare individual who makes this leap of faith, because it requires living in the realm of the absurd. So rare is this individual, that he is not found in Dixon's writings at all (at least not in The Mystery of the Chinese Junk), and perhaps that is normal. Sure, there is a certain amount of blind sacrifice in the Hardy Boys characters, and there is mention of Frank and Joe attending church, but no character stands out as one who really has abandoned all in favor of a divine calling.

Nevertheless, Dixon's characters help remind us that these Kierkegaardian stages are very present and applicable, and perhaps the shortcomings of Chet, Frank, and Joe, will provide us a certain amount of encouragement as we drift between the aesthetic and ethical stages. As rare as Kierkegaard thinks that moment may be, we can hope for teleological suspension of the ethical that will propel us to ultimately take the leap of faith required to land in the religious stage in which the calling of God Himself moves us to live in the ultimate sacrificial way.

The Franklin W. Dixon Truths #6: Dan Quayle was Right

2004-12-06T16:48:00.000-08:00

by Matt Waln

The Shore Road Mystery is one of Mr. Dixon's most bizarre anhd intriguing tales ever put to paper. In Mr. Dixon's sixth novel we are taught a fact of life little appreciated today in the world today. In his masterpiece work, Mr. Dixon uses the main characters Frank and Joe Hardy to solve a complex mystery, weaved with intrigue and physical assault. What Mr. Dixon dexterously weaves into this volume is yet one more real life truth that the reader would do well to recognize and practice daily.

This is a tome so magnanimously complex that we must dissect it as it unfolds. However, I will begin by putting forth the underlying theme of the book. On page 27 Aunt Gertrude allows, "Never you mind. You just can't rely on men who don't have a woman around the house to keep them straight."

Aunt Gertrude has never been as verbose as Vice President Quayle, and far less tactful, but her point is, of course, valid. Let's hear from the great man himself: "In a nutshell: I believe the lawless social anarchy which we saw is directly related to the breakdown of family structure, personal responsibility and social order in too many areas of our society...It's time to talk again about family, hard work, integrity and personal responsibility. We cannot be embarrassed out of our belief that two parents, married to each other, are better in most cases for children than one. That honest work is better than handouts- or crime. That we are our brother's keepers. That it's worth making an effort, even when the rewards aren't immediate. So I think the time has come to renew our public commitment to our Judeo-Christian values- in our churches,...our civic organizations, and our schools. We are, as our children recite each morning, 'one nation under God.'"

Now it would be easy to mistakenly believe that Aunt Gertrude was talking about the Dodds, but it becomes obvious as the book unfolds that the men involved in the crime racket have no womanly influence in their lives. As Dan Quayle predicted, they turned to a life of stealing and smuggling.

But the truth in this case is like a lighthouse in a storm, shining bright for all to see; yet enveloped in a chaos of a centuries old, a weapons ring, and a vegeterian who eats most anything.

The story begins with a good old-fashion car chase as the Hardy's try to outrun a stolen car in their motorcycles. Then they return to the beach only to find out that Chet, their perennial hero, is at the museum. The reader, of course, knows that Chet has most certainly already figured out this mystery and is brushing up on the last minute details to aid in the criminal capture. He is studying history, to aid in the locating of the pilgrim treasure. He is also studying the behavior of vegetables. Distraught at Chet's absence, the fellows take a stroll down the beach and come upon a dead bat. As Joe does his best Sting impression, singing "There's a little black spot on the sun today, it's the same old thing as yesterday;" we are treated to the verbal hilarity of Frank, Biff, and Phil belting out the chorus to "King of Pain." Because the spate of car thefts has kept the townspeople away from the beach, they miss this. After the Dodds are arrested and then seemingly jump bail, the very same sycophantic townsfolk threaten the Hardys. These plebian persons are all too willing to simply take as fact what they hear on the nightly news. When a courageous group of free thinkers, who by the way, have both a mother and a father, try to make a stand for truth and justice, they are literally accosted through the postal service.

As the boys pursue the case they follow clues into the woods. There Chet meets Scratch. He tells Chet what he knows and then we see the Hardys getting back on their bikes. They ask Chet if he's hungry. "Not really," he replies. "I met a drifter named Scratch and ate him! Here's his picture." [celery from "Veggie Tales"]

The trio soon is back at the Hardy residence looking at the centuries old treasure clue. The brothers immediately realize Chet's extensive knowledge of botany will prove invaluable to them. He pores over the parchment while singing, "Oh, Where is my Parsnip?" Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Frank in a towel, Joe suggests they go up in a plane to look for a river that might not be on the map. They get shot down. They need a new plan. Frank asks Joe on page 71, "Have you the same hunch about Slagel's paint that I do?" Joe replies, "Well, I think so Frank. But we'll never get that monkey to wear panty hose."

Fortunately, Chet is able to rise above the confusion and goes on a little sleuthing of his own. As he tails the suspect and dines on the forbidden chocolate cake, he takes a great risk to search the back of the suspect truck. When a stocky red haired assailant tries to stop Chet, he learns the hard way that chocolate cake does not a meal make! On page 121 the Hardys recount their day to Chet and then he tells them about his. "And when I saw this guy glaring at me I decided it was now or never. So I ate him. Here's his picture." [Bob the Tomato from "Veggie Tales."]

Well, the boys are able to pinpoint the location of the stolen car hideaway and infiltrate it. We now meet the soon to be famous Dr. Montrose. On page 160 we see the respectable chiropractor got his start in his life of crime as one of Melliman's henchmen. Oh, the tales he will involve us in soon. Poor, poor Dr. Montrose, who craved the presence of a woman in his life that he would soon turn to defrauding women in a medical setting. Some readers may actually think that Mr. Dixon just wasn't clever enough to not use the same name 33 volumes later, but I believe it is clear that he simply wants to reiterate his truths as often as possible. Dan Quayle's idea of a two parent setting allowing for decreased crime and welfare was not lost on Mr. Dixon, and he was faithful in bringing the truth up, albeit in a very understated way, in number 39, The Mystery of the Chinese Junk.

The plot now unfolded completely, it is time for pure violence. In a storm that is unmatched, a melee ensues involving nearly the entire male cast of the book. The Hardys emerge relatively unscathed, Fenton Hardy shows up in time to score the assist, and the treasure chest is located. As the dust settles, the Hardys all notice that Dr. Montrose seems to have escaped and Chet looks very full. Jack Dodd wants to thank the group by having them over for a traditional thanksgiving meal. "We're going to have a feast that would make our ancestors proud! And you're going to join us too, Chet. We'll even have a special seaweed menu for you!"

"I would love to tag along," Chet replies, "But I can't eat another bite. As Oscar Smuff and Chief Collig were arresting Melliman, they all looked so good, I ate them! Here are their pictures!" [pear from Veggie Tales] [Carrot from Veggie Tales, dressed like a cop] [Larry the Cucumber from Veggie Tales]

Where is Bridgeport?

2004-12-06T16:34:00.000-08:00

by Brandon Booth

In Franklin W. Dixon's early works of the Hardy Boys canon he left specific and general clues as to the location of Bayport. After disproving the location of Bayport, NY due to low population, lack of cliffs, extensive research has shown Bayport to be Portland, Maine. To recap on a previous essay, the 1950 Bayport population of 50,000 inhabitants (forty-thousand more than Bayport, New York) almost matches the 2000 census of Portland Maine's population of 63,000 assuming the normal growth of cities in population. Portland is far enough north to freeze in the winter, has a shore road in the atlas, and remote areas along the coast where much of the Hardys adventures take place, unlike the south shore of Long Island. In the third volume of the canon, Secret of the Old Mill, Dixon makes reference to another major city---Bridgeport. It is my purpose to enlighten the reader trying to make sense of the geography to develop a deeper understand of this work.

Geography experts will be quick to point to Bridgeport, Connecticut. Who can be wrong? Bridgeport is also in New England, a relatively small region. It is also along the Atlantic coast. The Hardys make reference to Bridgeport being the next major city from Bayport. (Dixon, 29) The 2000 census for Bridgeport shows it to be Connecticutt's largest city followed by New Haven and Hartford. Let us assume Bridgeport to be in Connecticut.

On page 27 Chet finds the man on the street who passed him a phony 20 dollar bill in the heart of downtown Bayport. Twenty-four pages earlier, the same man was in a hurry to catch a train. The Hardys speculated that he could not have traveled too far because he reappeared in Bayport two hours later. Two pages later (page 29) after they lose the man to the crowd of shoppers, Frank said, That could be one of the reasons he took the train [to Bridgeport]---to get a new supply and palm off more. (Dixon, 29) We should not be surprised at the counterfeit money passer stocking up on phony bills in Bridgeport. Nationally known magazines have featured articles on Bridgeport, beleagured with crime even in a state with the highest income bracket per capita. (The 1994 census shows Connecticut almost $9000 above the national average). That would explain the crime in Bridgeport. This proves that Bridgeport, CN could be what Franklin W. Dixon had in mind.

As plausible as those theories are, more than once is the reader reminded that Bridgeport lies within an hour from Bayport. Bridgeport, CN lies 258 miles from Portland, ME. The train would have to travel faster than Japan's Silver Bullet to make Bridgeport, CN within an hour, giving Boston, Providence, and Hartford a miss. The price for that superfast train would not be worth the counterfeiters' time and expense to go to Bayport to pass one or two phony twenties. So we must assume the suspect either jumped off the fast train and doubled back or took a local. (There is no mention of Mr. Hardy's express from Detroit stopping in Bridgeport). Let us assume the latter. Also, Boston lies between Portland and Bridgeport. So how can Bridgeport be the next major town? Page 44 also makes reference to the Hardys getting back to Bayport within an hour from Bridgeport. So Bridgeport, CT, is not the location Dixon really had in mind.

With Bridgeport, CN, theory blown, we have no alternative but to pinpoint a major town with a different name. Who says Bridgeport has to be on the Atlantic coast because of the word port? Is not Shreveport, LA, located 200 miles from the Gulf of Mexico? However the Red River running through the city justifies it to be a port.

The city within an hour of Portland, ME has to be large enough to have a bike shop that carries Belgian bicycles and close enough for the Bayport dealers to be familiar with dealers in other nearby towns. The city would have to be Lewiston, ME. Since the counterfeit passer did not go back to Bridgeport to stock up, that would justify Lewiston being the place. It is Maine's second largest city. The Androscoggin River runs through the town, justifying the city being a port. Franklin W. Dixon did have Bridgeport, Connecticut in mind afterall conceptually.

But it is not in Connecticut. It is in Maine.

The Poetry of Distress

2004-12-06T16:31:00.000-08:00

by Ken Maage

"Frank and Joe looked back once at the blackened building, outlined against the twilight sky. Wisps of smoke still curled from the torn out windows. It was a gloomy, silent trio that drove to the Hardy Home."

I start this essay with a quote directly from chapter 13 of Hardy Boys volume 3, "The Secret of the Old Mill," because it stands to communicate better than I could the art of Franklin W. Dixon. Many volumes have we read and analyzed here in the Hardy Boys Literary Society. Many have we extolled for the virtue of raising the sights of young readers to the glorious helpfulness of honesty, courage and adventure displayed in Frank and Joe. And on several occasions this author has pointed out the literary craftsmanship that satisfies the soul of the reader.

But everything of beauty I have seen in other Hardy Boys novels pales in comparison to the shining jewel, that is 3.13 (volume 3, chapter 13). Dixon evokes such emotion in the reader that one is left...stunned.

For a picture of the large context in which we find 3:13, Frank and Joe have just witnessed an explosion at a laboratory and are the first to arrive on the scene of destruction. "The series of explosive sounds had died away, but the damage appeared to be extensive."

Before Dixon allows us to share in the boys' predicament he brings us to the point of saying to oneself "phew." It is a good thing the Hardy Boys weren't anywhere near the building when it exploded. Then Dixon uses that powerful influence he has over the readers emotion. From a feeling of relief for the boys' safety, he turns it to concern---for Frank and Joe's father! What follows is one of the most tense, dramatic and emotionally charged chapter in possibly the entire series! "I wish we could find out whether or not dad's at [the lab]... Frank whispered to Joe. At this point the boys heard the scream of sirens." From a whisper to a scream. Amazing.

Time and time again in this chapter, Dixon opens the door of relief, hinting that Fenton Hardy is fine, then slams the door. Is Frank and Joe's father alive or dead?!? We are not told.

Now perhaps a well-read fan will be saying, "Of course he's okay! Fenton Hardy never gets hurt!" To those let me say to look in the cover of your book and tell me what number you see there: three. Now place yourself in the shoes of a reader new to the series. If this is only the third book you've read, your confidence in Mr. Hardy's safety would be far from complete. You might actually be quite scared. Page after page in this chapter the reader is given a scenario where someone could tell them that everything will be all right but doesn't. The police chief cannot say he's seen their father, the fire chief says they can't know what caused the blaze. After the blaze is under control, Dixon says they "entered the laboratory building to look for any possible victims." (Dixon, 107)

But the thing that gives this chapter its real power is when the teenage sleuths return home where they must not allow their fears to upset "the women." "The evening dragged on, tension mounting every minute." (Dixon, 110)

Even after the end of the chapter when a phone call is revealed as merely a wrong number, we are left with a profound sense of the boys' anxiety. One of the most striking examples of Franklin W. Dixon's ability to elicit whatever emotions he chooses in his readers. Again I must say, Oh Dixon, show us your craft!

The Hardy Boys as Data Gatherers

2004-12-06T16:09:00.000-08:00

by Brandon Booth

In Franklin W. Dixon's fourth tome, The Missing Chums, Dixon sets an example of young cross-cultural data gatherers to fulfill a purpose. The book begins with middle-aged Chief Collig calling the Hardy boys to his cozy office because he has a case for these young detectives. Chief Collig tells them that there is something funny going on in the squatter colony at the end of the bay. (Dixon, 2). The Hardys bypass Collig's sugarcoating of the situation by quickly referring the place to what it is really known as to the quick-to-judge common people--Shantytown. Dixon describes the community as a settlement of shacks on the ocean shore...composed mostly of men who had seasonal or temporary jobs and some who did not work at all. From the prototype missionaries' perspective, what does the situation there really look like?

The mere name of the squatter colony does justice. Dixon uses Shantytown to illustrate the unexaggerated picture of over two-thirds of the human race...They live in darkness and ignorance, steeped in idolatry, in degradation and corruption. (John Mott, 1901). As the police chief adds, "The men there seem to be in an ugly mood--violence and fighting at night." (Dixon, 2)

As data gatherers the first step involves more than the gathering of data and then reporting it to the police who sits behind the desk. The Hardys know just gathering data would only treat the symptom and not heal the disease. After they get the data they need they must act on it to find Chet and Biff. The pressure is on, especially when remnants of their costumes are found in the bay near Shantytown.

How will they gather data? Just asking questions point blank and spying may work in Bayport but not in Shantytown. We will see later that this technique almost cost the boys their lives. First of all, the label given to the squatter colony by the young detectives highlights the difference between the two environments and cultures--Bayport and Shantytown. To bridge the gap, Collig assigned the boys to blend in by putting on old clothes, mussing up their hair, and hanging out to see what is causing trouble.

The Hardys know their sphere of contact with these people in Shantytown is not the same as people in their own circle. Although they speak the same language they face social barriers. But the boys being the same race and gender as the majority gives them an advantage. (Imagine how much greater the sphere of contact would be greater for Nancy Drew). We know these committed data gatherers did what hardly any young people did in the preceding generations: they put on make-up. Joe's normal suntan had been made even darker by the use of make-up. (Dixon, 53).

Apart from appearance, the Hardys are careful about the way they enter Shantytown. They take the same method as they would had the sphere of contact with this people group been distant (speak different language and practice different customs). They hide the Sleuth in a cove a mile away and unhurriedly approach the colony by foot pretending to be beachcombing. After not finding visible signs of Chet and Biff and the reason for the fighting, they take the direct route and felt led to walk up to a shack--to meet up with a rough character, Sutton. Sutton takes a lunge at them with a blackjack.

In perfect timing a tall Swedish man named Alf Lundborg saves them from their doom. Alf seems to have good relations with the squatters. Though not officially a squatter himself, Alf has been in contact with the squatters for a long time and comes out a lot on his hours off. (Dixon, 56) The book does not say if he was once a squatter himself nor if he was sent, but he knows the way of the people. He keeps appointments. (Dixon, 57). He meets the felt needs of the squatters. For example, if they are looking for trouble he gives it to them. That is exactly what Alf told Sutton in response to Sutton about to swing a blackjack at the Hardys. Alf organizes collective dinners and makes sure the participants pitch in with their respective chores, like tending cooking fires. He does not force all the squatters to come, just the ones who will help out. (Sutton doesn't show up). The Hardys helped meet the felt needs of the men by contributing food they had brought with them. By then the men were willing to answer questions about Shantytown. They promised to look out for their missing friends. Their dependence on Alf, the expert, pays off.

Although the Hardys did not get the data they were looking for right away, they developed the resources that would help them solve their case. There is no way the Hardys could have solved this case single-handedly in Shantytown. They latched onto the work already started. After they rescue Chet and Biff they round up the bank robbers who used Shantytown as a base. The fights were caused by money being the root of all evil.

The House on the Cliff: Franklin W. Dixon's Examination into the Life of Crime

2004-12-06T15:44:00.000-08:00

by Brian Porick

What is it that makes the bad guy bad? Why can't he stop being the bad guy if he so chooses? Are criminals always inherently bad people, or would it shock us to discover just how many of them start out as normal folks like us? These are questions that are sure to cross the mind of any reader of literature who encounters a character who is the antagonist in a given story. Readers of the Hardy Boys mystery series will certainly ask these questions at some point as well. It only makes sense to wonder, "Where did Franklin W. Dixon come up with all these bad guys anyway?" "Am I really to believe that Bayport is teeming with low-lifes whose sole purpose is to create havoc with which our teen sleuths Frank and Joe Hardy have to deal?" Thankfully, a chronological read of the Hardy Boys series will dispel these lingering questions quickly, as book number two, The House on the Cliff, is nothing less than Dixon's treatise on those people who fall into the life of crime. In this volume, Dixon lets his readers know that these characters are not necessarily of a different breed than the Hardys themselves, that they are ensnared in a authoritarian system, but that they can ultimately be redeemed.

Early on in The House on the Cliff, the reader discovers a conversation between the Hardy boys and their parents, Fenton and Laura Hardy, around the family dinner table. Frank and Joe have been examining a house formerly owned by the now deceased Felix Pollitt. They suspect that a smuggling gang run by Felix Snattman is operating out of this house. The property has been left to Mr. Pollitt's nephew, who is wanted for burglary. Clearly, the nephew has not stepped forward to claim the property, as he realizes he'd be opening himself to arrest and subsequent jail time instead of immediate possession of the house. Fenton suggests that the nephew may not necessarily be a "worst case scenario" criminal, to which Frank puts forth the idea that the nephew could step forward, serve his potentially brief jail sentence and continue to live his life as a normal law-abiding citizen. Mr. Hardy, however, points out the fallacy in Frank's logic: "'The trouble is, so often when a young man joins a group of hoodlums or racketeers, he's blackmailed for the rest of his life, even though he tries to go straight. . . . The best way to avoid such a situation is never to get into it!'" (Dixon 38). It is incredible that Dixon lays forth this degree of complexity and moral ambiguity for his generally young reading audience. Conventional wisdom would suggest that Dixon should keep the characters in his stories as either all good or all bad. However, in this brief explanation, Dixon makes his readers aware that many of the bad guys are good people who are locked in a nearly inescapable situation. At the same time, he explains that it's no accident that some of the bad guys are that way. In fact, to avoid becoming a criminal, one simply must refrain from associating with crime.

Dixon later gives the reader a glimpse of how authoritarian the leadership structure in a group of criminals can be, further propelling the idea that the system is set up to retain its members. While in hiding in the smuggling operation's storeroom, Frank and Joe overhear two of the gang's lesser members arguing about retrieving some extra smuggled fabric so they can make more money by higher volume in sales. The one member replies to the other, "'I can tell you ain't been with this gang long. You never get any thanks around here for thinkin'. . . . My idea for the rest of us in this gang is to do just what Snattman tells us to and no more'" (Dixon 109). Clearly, Dixon is demonstrating to his readers a system in which all but the man on top are encouraged to be "yes-men". This is further seen when Snattman himself talks down to two of his underlings who are uncomfortable with the idea of allowing the captured Hardy boys and their father to starve. He says, "You guys are gettin' awful righteous all of a sudden, aren't you? Look out or I'll dump the lot of you!" (Dixon 129). Here we see Snattman berating his colleagues for thoughts that aren't as hard-edged as his own, and he immediately plays his power card, threatening them to be cut out of any profits in their criminal activities. Of course, this threat is something of a rhetorical comment, as the two underlings know full well that they cannot be cut out of the system. The crime itself acts as a bonding agent between Snattman and those under him.

The House on the Cliff ends no differently than most Hardy Boys books; the bad guys are all caught and order is restored. Typically, Dixon allows the antagonists to have their say in the last chapter, where they fill in all the unanswered questions about the mystery and always seem to confirm that Frank and Joe's intuition was right all along. In this book, though, Snattman not only offers an explanation about how his smuggling ring was run, but he also talks about the factors early in his life that led him to his life of crime as well as expressing remorse for the life he has lived. Snattman remarks, "'I envy you, Mr. Hardy. It's because you brought up two such fine boys and they got swell friends. Me-I wasn't so lucky. My father died when I was little. I was pretty headstrong and my mother couldn't manage me. I began to make the wrong kind of friends and after that-you know how it is. My uncle, who owned this place, might have helped me, but he was mean and selfish and never gave us any money'" (Dixon 177-178). In this explanation, Dixon contrasts the good upbringing that Frank and Joe have had with Snattman's. In fact, he seems to recognize that there are uncontrollable influences that can make one more or less prone to a life of crime. Things such as a good father and swell friends are likelier to lead one toward law-abiding detective work than the early loss of a parent, the wrong friends, and stingy relatives. At this stage, it would be tempting for Dixon's impressionable young readers to think that he is giving Snattman a valid excuse for his criminal activities. Instead, Dixon portrays Snattman as feeling remorse and putting actions in place that will help steer boys with rougher upbringings such as himself in the right direction. The reformed criminal comments that "'I'm going to ask those executors to use my uncle's money to run this place as a boys' home-I mean a place where boys without proper home training can come to live'" (Dixon 178). Not only does Snattman recognize his wrong-doing and is willing to accept the consequences of it (in his case, a healthy jail sentence), but he goes out of his way to help make things right for others who might find themselves in a similar predicament.

The House on the Cliff, then, offers a model for the back story of the criminals in the remainder of the Hardy Boys canon. Dixon realizes that he perhaps will not have time to explore each future antagonist as thoroughly, so he leaves his readers with some ideas about the life of crime. First, it is something that can ensnare anyone who has made some poor initial choices. Second, the system itself is set up to retain its members; often there is no easy escape from it. Most importantly, the life of crime has its consequences, and although rooted in early factors, each person who chooses to participate in it is responsible to own up to their actions. With these ideas in mind, the Hardy boys reader is sure to have a richer experience as he continues to explore the adventures of Frank and Joe and their striving to snuff out the actions of the characters involved in the life of crime.

The Hardys Search for a Father Figure: A Case from the Illustrations in the House on the Cliff

2004-12-06T15:41:00.000-08:00

by Mark Bartlebaugh

In my past work, I have made painstaking effort to show that the covers of Franklin W. Dixon's Hardy Boys volumes have just as much, if not more, to say than the text of the books themselves. Let the reader understand that the true towering treasure and hidden gold is found not in the text, but in the pictures depicting the events occurring in the text. Until this point, I have tried to demonstrate this based on analysis of volume covers alone. However, if Dixon so skillfully used volume covers to convey profound truths, should we not think that the illustrations within the text would be used for the same purpose? Moreover, this work will demonstrate that on occasion, Dixon is telling a completely different story in the illustrations throughout the book than he is in the actual text. In no volume is this clearer than in The House on the Cliff.

The first illustration of the book, on the page opposite the title page, immediately tips the reader off to the theme that Dixon wants to illustrate through the pictures. It is a picture of a lowly, shabby man named Pretzel Pete. The caption has Pretzel Pete telling Frank and Joe, Maybe I can give you a tip where to find your father. This is Dixon at his best. Before the first page of the text, the illustration makes the problem clear: the Hardys are looking for a father figure. This is supported throughout the text of the canon as one examines the relationship between Fenton Hardy and his sons. The relationship, if you want to call it that, consists of little interaction. Though the Hardys often claim to be working for their father, he is rarely around and the reader is left with few options except to consider him a type of absent, workaholic father. The Hardys have not gone unaffected by this, and the illustration opposite the title page makes this clear. They have chosen to go to this lowly Pretzel Pete, a man represented in the picture as a bum, in search of a father figure to mold them and shape them as they move through the late stages of adolescence.

Here the reader may object and say that Fenton Hardy has more involvement with his boys in The House on the Cliff than in many other of Dixonian works. But don't miss the mastery of Dixon! While there may be more interaction between the boys and Fenton in the text, the true story is told in the pictures and thus priority should be placed there.

The lowliness of Pretzel Pete in the first illustration shows just how desperate the Hardys have become in search for a father figure. They are willing to be fathered by a man on the street because their own father has failed them. Nevertheless, Pretzel Pete doesn't want to be a father figure to these boys, so he sends the Hardys somewhere else with his "tip" on where to find their father or, more importantly, a father figure.

The next point in the Hardys search for a father figure comes in the illustration on pp. 8-9. Pretzel Pete has apparently sent the Hardys to a cliff overlooking a lake. Whether Pretzel Pete told the Hardys to bring a telescope is unknown, but we can infer that the telescope is a sign that the Hardys want to see this man up close for who he really is. If they didn't really know their real father, they at least want to know their father figure and see him with all of his strengths and vulnerabilities. And indeed the Hardys see a vulnerability. This man, far from running to the Hardys as a loving father would, rowed his boat to a ship and is climbing up the ladder to get in the ship and avoid the Hardys.

Where now will the Hardys turn? Not only had Fenton Hardy failed to be a father figure to them, but now Pretzel Pete and this man on the water have failed as well. There are no more tips, no other clues on where to find a father figure.

The next illustration in the book on page 43 tells it all. Surprisingly this illustration includes Fenton Hardy with the boys. It is not clear if the artist intends for us to believe if Fenton Hardy was actually physically present with the boys in the picture, but the purpose for his appearance in the picture is clear. Frank, Joe, and Fenton, all dressed in suit and tie, peer in on a farming family. The family is bound and gagged. The illustration clearly conveys that while Frank and Joe desire a father figure from another family such as this farm family, and this family is willing to reach out to them. Frank and Joe are trapped in the white collar, upper class Bayport lifestyle that their biological father, Fenton Hardy, has given them. The contrast between the dress of the Hardys and the farm family is vivid and shows the gap between two lifestyles. Thus Frank and Joe remain helpless to find a father figure while the farm family, wanting to reach out to these young boys, is powerless to do so because of the reign that Fenton Hardy has over them. The family is bound and gagged.

Thus the Hardys conclude that the only way to get out of this trap is to have their father murdered. Then they would no longer be slave to his reign of white collar, upper class sleuth work where their lives are in danger almost constantly and their education suffers because of the time they devote to their fathers work. And they could truly have a relationship with a father figure.

This leads the Hardys to where we find them in the illustration on page 77. The Hardys are the home of an apparent hit man. It is not clear if the man by the tree or the man furthest right is the hit man, but there can be no doubt that one of them is a hit man by the facial expressions and posture given to them by the artist. Here, the boys hold out Fenton Hardys cap as a sample cap that the hit man can use to find Fenton Hardy based on his headwear. However, the caption has a woman shrilling, "He doesnt know anything about the cap". Apparently the woman is the spokeswoman for the hit man and saying that he is not familiar with this kind of cap. Here again, the Hardys are powerless not only to find a father figure, but to find a hit man to have their father killed so they can have a father figure. The artist leads us to believe that Fenton Hardy wore some kind of rare and expensive European leather cap that even a good hit man couldn't recognize. Thus the Hardys again are forced to deal with the gap between the extravagant lifestyle of their father and the rest of the world.

If not even the best hit man in Bayport can get rid of their father, the Hardys conclude that there must be no way of getting rid of Fenton Hardy and thus no way of finding a true father figure. Hence the illustration on page 123. Here the Hardys and Fenton again are working together, all with their ties on and all in a dangerous situation where their lives are at risk.

The story in pictures concludes on page 148. While Fenton has his arms around Frank and Joe, attempting to show them affection from his pride-filled heart, a smuggler shines a light on the trio and says, "You are my hostages." This is a brilliant caption. The Hardys are hostages not of a true smuggler, but of the representative smuggler, Fenton Hardy. The independence and identity of our two young sleuths has been smuggled away by Fenton Hardy, leaving the Hardy boys forever hostage to his domineering fatherhood and white-collar, upper class life of fighting quote-unquote crime.

I conclude by contending that the observations drawn from this of pictures in "The House on the Cliff" are in no way inconsistent with the text of any book in the entire Dixonian canon. Does Dixon ever write about the Hardys having a father figure besides Fenton Hardy? We read much about the relationship between the Hardys and their chums and even Aunt Gertrude who is a type of mother figure. But there is no one else to be a father to the Hardys except the workaholic and often absent Fenton Hardy. Also, do the Hardys ever break out of the mold Fenton has created for them in any point in the canon? Never. Thus the reader is left with a dismal picture of the Hardys forever trapped in the lifestyle given to them by their father. We can only hope that the canon doesn't tell it all, but nonetheless, the canon is closed, and we can know no more of the Hardys than what has been revealed.

If Aunt Gertrude Called in on Money Matters (revised ed.)

2004-12-06T15:06:00.000-08:00

by Brandon Booth

STEVE MOORE: WCBI in Bayport. Gertrude has a question about investing. Welcome to Money Matters.
GERTRUDE: My two teenage nephews and their four friends are investigating in a second hand Chinese junk....
BURKETT: Investigating or investing?
GERTRUDE: Investing. (Chuckles) They want to run a passenger service from Bayport to Rocky Isle. Although they are responsible teens I'm concerned that they really are not learning about managing money...
BURKETT: What do you mean responsible.
GERTRUDE: They stay alive in many life-threatening situations.
BURKETT: I see.
GERTRUDE: But what I'm concerned about is that they get into tight fixes financially and my brother, their father, bails them out. Otherwise they would be in tens of thousands of dollars in debt.
BURKETT: (Backchanneling) Mm hm
GERTRUDE: I expressed this concern to their parents. They actually listened and agreed that they should get a summer job just like their friend Tony Prito who works in construction for his father.
BURKETT: How are they going to get the money to buy the junk?
GERTRUDE: They earned $200 for finding a lost child. But that got stolen from their father's safe last night. I feel terrible. I lent them $200 for their share in the second-hand Chinese junk they'll buy in New York. They'll pay me back from the profits.
BURKETT: Unfortunate things like that can happen. Had they been really smart, they would have kept the $200 in savings or in a money market. They need to learn how to deal with hardships even if that means getting a job flipping burgers in order to make up for the loss in order to put in another share for something long-term. Gertrude, you're just treating the symptom. Things like this will happen again. Did you say they get into a lot of life threatening situations?
GERTRUDE: Yes. They're amateur detectives.
BURKETT: I see. Their main income is reward money. The market for detective work fluctuates. If the economy is bad, no one will hire detectives. They'll leave it to the police. Sometimes teenage detectives will work on a case on their own initiative and expenses like travel can leave a hole in one's pocket. Are your nephews on a budget?
GERTRUDE: No. They still think money flows out of pockets. Their parents money money when they're in a jam.
BURKETT: Do they tithe their earnings?
GERTRUDE: Not that I know of.
BURKETT: In amateur detective work the only income is reward money. It can take days or weeks to solve a case, so this can vary. Since it takes perseverance to solve a case, reward money can be very deceiving. Amateur detectives fall in the trap of crediting only themselves for their earnings and neglect to put God first. Unfortunate things happen when you don't put God first. "Do not store up things in heaven where moth and rust destroy." Back to the Chinese junk, unless the root of the problem of getting out of debt is treated more debt will occur when running the junk business.
GERTRUDE: This is probably the reason for my aching in all my joints.
BURKETT: Did your nephews and their friends pray about buying this venture beforehand?
GERTRUDE: That's what bothers me. They shook hands on the deal within five minutes of the subject being mentioned.
STEVE MOORE: Gertrude, we'll put you on our prayer list and we'll send out to you Money Matters 2000 software. Stay on the line and thank you for calling. Larry, that sounds like interesting business, running a passenger service on a Chinese junk.
BURKETT: Couple things. How could a full size junk imported from Hong Kong cost only several hundred dollars? It could be ill-gotten gain. I wouldn't have peace about it. Proverbs 10:2 states that ill-gotten gain has no value. On what condition was the junk sold to the dealer in New York? The dealer may be in a hurry to get rid of it. (Gertrude turns off the radio)
MOORE: What credentials are needed to run a passenger service?
BURKETT: The operators must take acquatics classes and be able to demonstrate water safety. Even card dealers on gambling boats have to take water safety courses. The teenage detectives may also have to buy liability insurance because the if the junk springs a leak due to sabotage, a lot of lawsuits could occur. This is not easy.
MOORE: Let's go on with our next caller. Bob, listening to WMBI in Chicago....

The Franklin W. Dixon Truths #5

2004-12-06T13:51:00.000-08:00

by Matt Waln

"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."

In Hunting For Hidden Gold, Franklin W. Dixon's fifth tome, the famous scribe pens the characters Frank and Joe Hardy who solve a transcontinental mystery all the while putting forth a real life truth that the reader would do well to memorize and practice daily.

Mr. Dixon takes a different route with this volume than he typically sticks to.

Usually, Chet is the hero of the book. In this edition, however, the poor guy is back in school. Typically, the Hardys are working hard at the mystery and Chet is the man who proves the rule by solving the complex case. In this book, however, the Hardys become almost antagonistic to the right and true mystery solvers we are used to seeing. This is done, of course, to advance the point we need so desperately to learn.

Let's go see what they say. On page 67, Joe says, "No, I just meant that a slip gun isn't something a law abiding person would be apt to have around." Now, while the Hardy's aren't the true antagonists in this volume, Mr. Dixon to uses them as the stereotypical east coast liberal born with a silver spoon in their collective mouths and spouting feel good rhetoric to the masses without ever really checking on the truth to see if their way would be a better way. It is not.

Poor Joe, having grown up in New England, simply became the unfortunate recipient of the indoctrination of liberalism by his NEA member teachers. Taught not that individual liberty and the right to bear arms is what freed this country from tyranny but that gun owners are to be the recipients of unyielding vitriol, he passes judgment on a fellow man simply because of the choice of his side arm. Apparently, poor Joe forgot what happened 47 pages and 1800 miles ago when they were kidnapped not at gunpoint but with a deck of cards.

Lets review. Frank and Joe were pushed into a cab and asked where they were being taken. One kidnapper named Hopkins told Zeke to watch them. Zeke, we are told, "who was wearing a brown suit and shirt, opened his huge hand and revealed a small blackjack." Had either Frank or Joe been armed, they might have been able to avoid being victims. The implication is obvious. Mr. Dixon wants his readers to understand that without the right to keep and bear arms, the masses will fall under the control of the tyrant. Joe might have been aware of this if his NEA member teachers had been a little less concerned with tenure and the indoctrination of socialistic values into their pupil's craniums and more concerned with history lessons. Lessons like the Vietnamese giving up their guns and a mere year later being attacked by communist forces. Lessons like Australia banning all weapons from private ownership and experiencing a 150% increase in violent crime inside of one year. Lessons like the state of Florida issuing shall carry licenses to the general public and experiencing a 40% drop in violent crime inside of one year. It is a good thing that the astute reader has learned these bits of history and can now recognize Mr. Dixon's lesson for what it is.

Joe also apparently was not aware of the well-known statistic about murders in the state of Illinois. Had he known that from 1991 to 1994 more people were murdered with panty hose than with assault weapons, he might not have been so quick to assume that to own an out of the ordinary weapon makes one a criminal. Had he realized that more people are bludgeoned to death than shot he would have accepted it as unusual that they were attacked with a shotgun on page 31, rather than it being unusual that they were attacked with a boulder a mere 8 pages later. He did not realize this, of course, and wound up stuck in a closet with Frank.

This happens early in the book when they are on layover in Chicago. This is a rare part in the series where Mr. Dixon fails to do his homework. From O'Hare airport where they are kidnapped at card point, the Hardys go to the suburbs, get locked on a closet, escape, and make it back to O'Hare in three hours. This is simply impossible to do at any time of day with the traffic patterns leading out of the world's second busiest airport. To make things a little less believable they get in a taxi driven by Ira Kleeder! To believe that any taxi in the Cook county area is driven not by an Arab but by an Irishman is a step of faith that this writer is not willing to take. However, the trip to Chicago is important for a reason that won't become apparent until the end of the book.

There is another, less obvious truth mingled into this book. The Hardys proceed from Chicago to Montana. On page 139 we are told, "the brothers strained their eyes to peer into the darkness." Five pages later the book states, "Suddenly their eyes bulged as they spotted a small cabin." It is obvious that they went to Montana because that is where you can get a prescription for medical marijuana when you have glaucoma. While the book never overtly states that the Hardys are smoking, we can safely assume they did. Allow me to explain. On page 103 the Hardys are hidden as they watch Big Al and his gang operate in one their many hideouts. They later go down and search the ground and the area very thoroughly. The clue why is given by Big Al as he is barking orders. "We'll leave part of the stores cached here and take the rest up to the hideout." Now, the reader is reminded that these books are written with the intent of entertaining the young while engaging the educated. Anyone who went to college, of course, would recognize the word "cached" and realize that Big Al is lamenting the fact that he smoked all he could from his bong and now wanted to save the rest for later. The truth Mr. Dixon is speaking of, of course, is that medical marijuana may sound like a compassionate and sound idea, but abuse is a certainty. The point is that no matter how innocent an activity may seem to be, human nature predicts that the action need to increase in risk for the emotional payoff to remain high. We'll see this demonstrated soon.

The brilliance of marrying these two very important and seemingly diametrical truths becomes apparent when you remember back to page 87. Doc Whitlow gave Mr. Hardy some pain medication and some sleeping pills. We see how the medical community is revered by the tiny-brained liberal. The Hardys assume that if a medical doctor prescribes it, it must be safe. They are taking marijuana assuming that it is safe. They let their dad take pain medication assuming it is safe. Yet they assume that a slip gun is something that does not belong in a civilized society. Had they familiarized themselves with the statistics from the CDC that place death due to the proper use of prescription drugs as the fourth leading cause of death in the country, right behind number three which is medical error, they would have correctly assumed that their father was in more danger while in the presence of the medical doctor than they were while in the presence of a revolver. Deaths due to all firearms in all situations combined are nowhere near the top ten, just in case you were wondering.

Then the lesson becomes clear. Mr. Dixon allows the heroes to move up the ladder in the abuses to demonstrate that if you allow medical marijuana, there will be a drug problem worse than anticipated by the medical community. On page 140 Joe declares that tonight, "We'll camp at the rock motel!" Why they felt that doing rock was an allowable exercise while on the camp trail is not clear, but it in fact might have saved them. On page 163 they are trapped in a cave by Kevin Garnett and the rest of the Minnesota Timber Wolves. Kevin Garnett, hailing from Chicago, is obviously part of the gang and trailed them here to Montana. Now had the Hardys had the foresight to bring along Chet, they might not have had to resort to acquiring and then giving away a dangerous drug to get out the situation as we see them do on page 165. "'Quick! A rock!' Frank gasped. He hurled it with all his might at the wolf. 'Run for it!' Frank yelled."

So then the book comes full circle as we see the Hardys disarm Big Al with shovels. The reader knows that while it all turned out good in the end, we learned an extremely valuable lesson from the duo.